Helllloooooooo. If you clicked on this blog thinking you would learn actual self-help….well your in the wrong place unless reading ridiculous rants about my journey to self-help makes you feel miraculously better about yourself, which could totally happen, then you should stay even though you got here because of my clever ruse to get you here.
If you clicked on this blog thinking you would learn true and historically accurate information about cereal killers*, then you might be sick, curious, or maybe researching for your life as a cereal killer* and if it is the later you should probably have been clicking on the link because you thought it was about self-help and should refer back to the first paragraph of this totally misguided blog.
If you came here chasing squirrels….well then…then….I have no idea “what then” because I too was chasing squirrels.
That being said. Self-help and Cereal Killers* & Squirrels is the story of my life. The things I have learned along the way, (usually the hard way), things that make me laugh, which is vast and not always appropriate, and the daily ins of outs of trying to be grown up human, when I do not get distracted and forget to post. Actually, I have no idea when that would be that I am not distracted because I live in Distracted**, a small town just East of the Mississippi.
Why would I name this life blog such a bizarre name? Funny you should ask. Last summer my best friend, let’s call her….Jane. Okay, Yes Jane is a bit generic. Let’s call her Lauralee. Lauralee and I spent almost every Saturday night watching every cereal killer*/forensic science, (aka how NOT to get away with murder), programs made all while reading self-help books.
I do realize these two things are in direct conflict unless of course your version of self-help is how to become a better cereal killer*. Saturdays became known as “Self-help and Cereal Killers*”…the squirrel part applies to me specifically because I am let’s say “attention challenged”.We were both going through some serious life stuff, aka a heap load of bull shit, and didn’t really want to be around people but we didn’t want to be alone. Sort of like misery loves company but with cereal killers* and a lot of “how not to be miserable” books.
During our Saturday night debacles, we laughed a great deal and I am not sure we learned a thing about the above-stated subjects but we laughed and really that is all that matters. Laughing…until you shoot water out your nose or something equally as entertaining will help you through a menagerie of life mayhem. (I really just wanted to say menagerie and mayhem, two very underused words I believe)
If you don’t like this blog or think it is funny, helpful or just a train wreck you can’t stop reading…well like I stated before your probably on the wrong page. It is not my fault you can’t properly choose from the results supplied by Google in your quest for knowledge. I can barely take care of myself and it would be very codependent of me, big word learned in a self-help book, to be responsible for your discernment skills.
The end. Because all stories should end with the end. That is an entirely different post….this post is already too long and I would have totally stopped reading it before now if I was you.
* I do know that Cereal Killer is not a murderer and I am fairly certain it is not a real thing….as I do not think you can murder cereal…unless chewing cereal is a form of murder. If chewing cereal is a form of murder….we are all in BIG trouble. I chose to call it Cereal Killer rather than Serial Killer as not to offend anyone and because it makes me laugh.
** I do not actually live in a town called Distracted. I am not sure there is a town called distracted. God Lord..now I have to Google it…ill return shortly. No there is NOT a city named Distracted but there totally should be.
Okay! The end already!