Category: I can’t make this sh’# up!
Last week I battled extreme fatigue and low-grade fever. I’m sure stress is the likely cause, after 10,000 blood tests and an unnecessary trip to the ER. This ER trip was by way of an over zealous after-care doctor, who decided I have diverticulitis. Um yeah. I learned 4 things from this debacle: trust my gut from now on, never go to the ER again unless taken by force, I do not have diverticulitis, and my blood work is awesome.
They diagnosed me with fatigue and said if you have a fever call your doctor!!!! Really???? That is why I went to aftercare in to start with!!!! Spending Friday night at the ER is not on my top 10 or even my top 10 million list.
Sooooooo this morning I decided to practice self-care and went to yoga to destress, my auto correct says destress is not a real word but I think it totally is a word, and decompresses. This is not a made-up self-remedy, which is a practice I may or may not engage in regularly. There is a ton of evidence, I know I searched the all-knowing Google, that yoga is good for stress relief by real doctors and other grown-ups.
I got to yoga at 10:30am and was super proud of me because “They” and “Them” were totally trying to talk me out of going because they are not very helpful and secretly plotting my demise daily. The yoga studio was packed. People were mat to mat. I decided the over population of the studio this morning, is attributed to the fact that Tulsa has been transported to the surface of the sun for the summer and after 12:00pm we should all be in water or in a freezer. Really. After 12:00pm we should all be in the water, or a freezer. Those are the only safe places to be.
So class started the music was good! I decided…. I am amazing and this is exactly what I need.
And theeennnnnn..I kicked someone in the nose!!!
Yes, that happened in real life. If you do not do yoga, it somewhat difficult to explain the logistics of this train wreck. This boys and girls this is what we call a “buzz kill”.
Kicking someone in the nose is not a good way to practice yoga or to decompress. Unless of course, your version of yoga is a contact sport, and/or you are a giant jerk face who goes around kicking people in the nose.
I totally made sure the woman I kicked was okay. She walked out of class so I followed to make sure I did not seriously break her nose or something. She promised she was okay, I only shoved her nose into her brain. Okay, those are not the actual words she said, but that is what I heard.
After knowing she was okay, It became a little bit funny to me. Not that I kicked her in the face, I am not a giant jerk face y’all, that I went to yoga to destress and instead kicked someone in the face. The irony is ridiculous.
Moral of the story: Do not kick people in the face at Yoga.
Side note: apparently this yoga nose kicking is a thing that happens in real life to other people less… less predisposed to such things.