Trash Bags on the Road…

So it’s a Sunday afternoon and Lauralee and I are at hot yoga. Before the class, I tell her I am listening to a book by Jenny Lawson called Furiously Happy. I tell Lauralee that Jenny too believes trash bags on the side of highway contain dead bodies and that it makes me feel better and less crazy that someone else thinks trash bags on the side of the road are full of dead people. Well, not an entire dead person because then you would totally get caught faster, more like body parts. I assume by the size of the bags most of the time that they contain a torso. I have no idea where the bags with heads and arms and legs go.

Lauralee tells me that she always thinks they have dead kittens in them. I say “why on earth would they take the time to put dead kittens in trash bags? That is not biodegradable”. Lauralee said she did not think cat serial killers cared one way or another about the environment. “Touche”,  I said. I personally think this makes them not only cat serial killers but also environment serial killers and they are really just giant jerk faces all around.

I guess if you put dead bodies on the side of the road in a trash bag that you are also unconcerned about the environmental impact of trash bags thrown on the side of the highway which makes you a jerk face too.

I wonder what “normal’ people think are in the trash bags on the side of the highway. I would ask a “normal” person but I do not really know any “normal” people.

Oh wait…I do know 3 normal people. My old roommate “Ted”, my sister, and my sister’s husband. They all seem to be what society considers normal except none of them like the movie Talladega Nights and I am 100% sure this makes them terrorist and there is nothing fun about terrorist. Unless of course, you are a terrorist and I guess you think that is fun. I am so asking them what they think is in the trash bags on the side of the road. I will keep you posted. However; I am fairly certain their answer will be something profound like “trash”.  I think this means they are severely limiting their use of imagination.

I should totally be working on my real job right now but honestly, to focus is not something I come by naturally. I often wonder how people go to work and do a job and do not have to constantly battle the urge to stare off into space or zero “want to”.

Can someone please pay me to day dream, write a blog that is mistitled/slightly ADHD, and color all day? But then if I was getting paid to do these things I would probably get too distracted to do these too.

The struggle is real y’all. I can say y’all because I am from Oklahoma and y’all is a real word in Oklahoma.

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

10,000 Pictures…

pictures of you

I think I have listened to Pictures of You by The Cure referenced in the above more times while writing this post than I have since high school. And now you will be listening and singing it too, you are welcome!

I have bazillions of pictures. Some make me smile. Some make me sad. Some make me smile and then I am sad. I wish I could call the other person in the picture and say “hey! remember when”…  Maybe in time that will happen but it is not a good idea today, for some pictures. Today, the wounds are too fresh. There is a world of sadness, anger, and mourning over lost dreams. Too much unsaid, too much confusion, and miscommunication.

memories

I often wonder, what do you do with the proverbial box of memories? Do you keep them?  Often it reminds me of the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when a couple goes to get their memories of one another erased when their relationship goes bad. Like the movie, if I delete pictures, will I lose the memories?    

eternal_web_1024

In the end, like the movie, I do not think we really want to erase the memories. I think we just want to be able to remember the good without the bad and sad. We want to go to the moment of those pictures before everything shifted.  We want to have those people in the pictures in our lives, in some aspect without all of the other stuff.

I have pictures today that remind me that even the sad ones, in time can be happy again. That relationships are not what they were, but friendships can be rekindled and changed even when I thought it would never happen.

What do you do with your box of memories?

Inner Child Escaped!! 

I went to see Tarzan with my bestie and my favorite little man last weekend. Driving home I thought  I want to go to Africa , meet Tarzan, swing from trees, fall in love with Tarzan, and have animal friends….I still do. It made me laugh. I realized that  I still believe in magic, happily-ever-after, and talking animals. I also love cartoons and coloring. I still wish to sleep on clouds and walk on rainbows.

We get older and life happens, the world tries to take our magic and wonder. I know that last year I was so lost I did not believe in much. I went to see Cinderella and cried during most of the movie, because my belief in happily-ever-after was gone. I was broken my magic was gone. My inner child took a leave of absense and I was not sure it would come back. I thought, I can not even sit through a classic movie from my youth because I am so jaded.

If you are a really grown up and your magic went way before you hit twenty, you shoud probably work on finding it play more and be less grown-up, it is totally overrated. It is a sad world with no magic, wonder and mystery. If like me you have been rocked to your core so your inner child hid, hang on it comes back slowly but it comes back.

I hope I always belive in fairy tales, magic, love at first site and fairy tales. Never let anyone take your wonder. My inner child is back and needs to escape!

What’s your inner child want to do today?

 

innerchild1

Exactly!!!!

Somedays are so weird. Being a human is weird. I am not sure compared to what, as I have only been a human as far as we know. I do think it would be fun to be a mermaid. On second thoughts, mermaids do not wear shoes and I happen to really really like shoes.

Okay, back to being weird. I started this blog and then got scared. I have the most random thoughts and feelings every day. What if what I write is too random and weird. So I did not finish a bunch of things I started writing which did not help me feel better.

Today, I wanted to isolate. I was just in a funky mood and not feeling 100% yet. I had made plans to go walk with my bestie. I almost canceled several times. I just wanted to hide in my condo alone. I am glad I did not cancel. Everyone should have at least one person who likes you even when you do not like yourself and can tell your voices to shut up.

On our walk, we decided we should start a blog and make videos interviewing the homeless people who hang out at the park because they would probably have profound wisdom we should share with the world. We decided we should buy a condo in Florida and be snow birds when we get old. We come up with some good stuff on walks… I am sure you are overwhelmed by our fantastic ideas. 

I did share that I have been all weird about my blog because I am human and my voices are jerk faces. She totally agreed that my voices are jerk faces because she is a good BFF like that.  What we decided…I should write like no one is reading my blog and if people love it great, if they do not like it well they were not reading it anyway so it does not matter. You know the”dance like no one is looking thing” except “blog like no one is reading”.

So here is my blog about everything and nothing,  Was your day weird too? I think my last two years have been weird, or maybe I am just weird…the world may never know.

 

Yoga….good! Unless…..

Category: I can’t make this sh’# up!

Last week I battled extreme fatigue and low-grade fever. I’m sure stress is the likely cause,  after 10,000 blood tests and an unnecessary trip to the ER. This ER trip was by way of an over zealous after-care doctor, who decided I have diverticulitis. Um yeah. I learned 4 things from this debacle: trust my gut from now on, never go to the ER again unless taken by force, I do not have diverticulitis, and my blood work is awesome.

They diagnosed me with fatigue and said if you have a fever call your doctor!!!! Really???? That is why I went to aftercare in to start with!!!! Spending Friday night at the ER is not on my top 10 or even my top 10 million list.

Sooooooo this morning I decided to practice self-care and went to yoga to destress, my auto correct says destress is not a real word but I think it totally is a word, and decompresses. This is not a made-up self-remedy, which is a practice I may or may not engage in regularly. There is a ton of evidence, I know I searched the all-knowing Google,  that yoga is good for stress relief by real doctors and other grown-ups.

I got to yoga at 10:30am and was super proud of me because “They” and “Them” were totally trying to talk me out of going because they are not very helpful and secretly plotting my demise daily.  The yoga studio was packed. People were mat to mat. I decided the over population of the studio this morning, is attributed to the fact that Tulsa has been transported to the surface of the sun for the summer and after 12:00pm we should all be in water or in a freezer. Really. After 12:00pm we should all be in the water, or a freezer. Those are the only safe places to be.

So class started the music was good! I decided…. I am amazing and this is exactly what I need.

And theeennnnnn..I kicked someone in the nose!!! 3618d8b26e37a408de868c9d528c3ebe

Yes, that happened in real life. If you do not do yoga, it somewhat difficult to explain the logistics of this train wreck. This boys and girls this is what we call a “buzz kill”.

Kicking someone in the nose is not a good way to practice yoga or to decompress. Unless of course, your version of yoga is a contact sport, and/or you are a giant jerk face who goes around kicking people in the nose.

 

I totally made sure the woman I kicked was okay. She walked out of class so I followed to make sure I did not seriously break her nose or something. She promised she was okay, I only shoved her nose into her brain. Okay, those are not the actual words she said, but that is what I heard.

After knowing she was okay, It became a little bit funny to me. Not that I kicked her in the face, I am not a giant jerk face y’all, that I went to yoga to destress and instead kicked someone in the face. The irony is ridiculous.

Moral of the story: Do not kick people in the face at Yoga.

Side note: apparently this yoga nose kicking is a thing that happens in real life to other people less… less predisposed to such things.

Vulnerable is Not a Four Letter Word…

8c1470adde390ffbe28fc994b76e12cd

Apparently vulnerable is not a four letter word….. I am not sure that I agree sometimes.

It feels like a four letter word, spelled F-E-A-R. Last night I did not sleep well and I woke up funky. After some coffee, because pondering does not happen before coffee, I realized why. I started this blog yesterday, and my brain was consumed with the “what-ifs”. You know what-ifs. The spinning vortex of self-doubt and fear.

It just so happens I am listening to a book by Brené Brown called “Daring Greatly”, that I started Friday. This book is about vulnerability and shame and how it keeps us from living. It dawned on me while driving to work, listening to the book, that I am afraid of being vulnerable.  Writing a blog and then telling everyone I am writing it opens me up to criticism, failure, being misunderstood, feeling foolish, and really feeling dumb for thinking other people might be uplifted or amused by the things that I do.   Then I thought it was no mistake that I am listening to this book at this time. God is funny that way. I would have climbed out of my skin all day If it was not for this book. Thank you!!  Brené Brown for letting me know I am not alone today.

daring1

Okay, so I am afraid of being vulnerable. Is there a pill for that? What does that even mean? We all like to pretend that we do not care what people think. Sometimes I think I actually convince myself that I do not care, but it is short lived. If you had asked me before I started listening to this book if I was afraid to be vulnerable, I would have said: “no, not most of the time”. I would have really believed it as well.  I am a very open person by nature. The truth I have come to realize today is that I am a scared kid afraid of what you think. I am terrified of failure because if I fail then It means that I am a failure. The book so glaringly pointed out, that means I am taking my self-worth and putting it in the hands of other people. If people like my blog then they like me.  If people do not like the blog then they do not like me. UGH! Seriously??

Yuck! Being vulnerable is scary and icky and necessary.  It is impossible to create a picture, blog, book, business, cake, product or anything else and sharing it with anyone without being vulnerable. I would rather cut my eyes out with a rusty fork than being open to being criticized.

I wish I could tell you self-knowledge has made me all “I do not care what you think”…Ummm yeah, that is not what happened. What I did learn is that we, as a society, think being vulnerable means weakness and that I am not alone.

I look forward to finishing the book. I am not sure I “look forward” to exploring my vulnerability, acknowledging and growing because growing in my experience is painful. I have been in recovery for almost 9 years and self-improvement has been an underlying theme. Being more self-aware is a quest that is uncomfortable, messy and also rewarding and empowering when it is done of course.

I suggest Brené Brown’s book very much. Daring Greatly by Brené Brown on Amazon

What do you think being vulnerable means?

 

vulnerability

 

This Blog is About What????

6153598_origHelllloooooooo. If you clicked on this blog thinking you would learn actual self-help….well your in the wrong place unless reading ridiculous rants about my journey to self-help makes you feel miraculously better about yourself, which could totally happen, then you should stay even though you got here because of my clever ruse to get you here.


If you clicked on this blog thinking you would learn true and historically accurate information about cereal killers*, then you might be sick, curious, or maybe researching for your life as a cereal killer* and if it is the later you should probably have been clicking on the link because you thought it was about self-help and should refer back to the first paragraph of this totally misguided blog. 


If you came here chasing squirrels….well then…then….I have no idea “what then” because I too was chasing squirrels.


That being said. Self-help and Cereal Killers* & Squirrels  is the story of my life. The things I have learned along the way, (usually the hard way), things that make me laugh, which is vast and not always appropriate, and the daily ins of outs of trying to be grown up human, when I do not get distracted and forget to post. Actually, I have no idea when that would be that I am not distracted because I live in Distracted**, a small town just East of the Mississippi. 


Why would I name this life blog such a bizarre name? Funny you should ask. Last summer  my best friend, let’s call her….Jane. Okay, Yes Jane is a bit generic. Let’s call her Lauralee. Lauralee and I spent almost every Saturday night watching every cereal killer*/forensic science, (aka how NOT to get away with murder), programs made all while reading self-help books. 


I do realize these two things are in direct conflict  unless of course your version of self-help is how to become a better cereal killer*.  Saturdays became known as “Self-help and Cereal Killers*”…the squirrel part applies to me specifically because I am let’s say “attention challenged”.We were both going through some serious life stuff, aka a heap load of bull shit, and didn’t really want to be around people but we didn’t want to be alone. Sort of like misery loves company but with cereal killers* and a lot of  “how not to be miserable” books. 


During our Saturday night debacles, we laughed a great deal and I am not sure we learned a thing about the above-stated subjects but we laughed and really that is all that matters. Laughing…until you shoot water out your nose or something equally as entertaining will help you through a menagerie of life mayhem. (I really just wanted to say menagerie and mayhem, two very underused words I believe)


If you don’t like this blog or think it is funny, helpful or just a train wreck you can’t stop reading…well like I stated before your probably on the wrong page. It is not my fault you can’t properly choose from the results supplied by Google in your quest for knowledge. I can barely take care of myself and it would be very codependent of me, big word learned in a self-help book, to be responsible for your discernment skills.

The end. Because all stories should end with the end. That is an entirely different post….this post is already too long and I would have totally stopped reading it before now if I was you. 


* I do know that Cereal Killer is not a murderer and I am fairly certain it is not a real thing….as I do not think you can murder cereal…unless chewing cereal is a form of murder. If chewing cereal is a form of murder….we are all in BIG trouble. I chose to call it Cereal Killer rather than Serial Killer as not to offend anyone and because it makes me laugh.


** I do not actually live in a town called Distracted. I am not sure there is a town called distracted. God Lord..now I have to Google it…ill return shortly. No there is NOT a city named Distracted but there totally should be. 


Okay! The end already!